All of Me

I had to have some medical tests today. 

This morning I dropped my son off to school, like normal, and decided to go to my favorite diner and have my favorite breakfast (rye toast, bacon, fried potatoes) and play my current favorite phone game (Bubble Worlds).  I guess I was trying to busy myself.  I wasn't worried, I was trusting God that He would take care of me, whether the test was positive or negative.

The radio was playing at the diner, and though I usually tune stuff out, I heard the song "All of Me" by John Legend came on.  It's a beautiful song, very simple - just one voice and a piano.  I don't listen to the radio much, but I've heard it before, and I really like it.  The chorus goes like this:

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Pretty, right?  Sweet, loving...

Fast forward to an hour later.  I'm laying on an examination table, watching my ultrasound on the computer screen.  Of course, I don't know what I'm looking at, so I was just kind of praying, kind of thinking.  All of a sudden, I became a little scared.  Then I got a little angry with myself for being scared.  A tear trickled down my cheek.

Suddenly, the Lord spoke the words of the song to me:  "All of me loves all of you."  And the fear vanished.

Wow.

You may think I'm crazy, believing that God would use some man's love song to his wife to comfort me.  I'm totally ok with you thinking that.  I know the moment, and nothing will ever change it for me.

I started to think about God's love for me.  I started to think about him singing over me, like it says in Zephaniah 3:17:   "He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."  I thought about just what it meant for all of God to love all of me.  God. Me.  The great big, immortal, massive, King of Kings, Creator of the Universe, Lover of my soul, unshakeable, impenetrable, unchangeable - that God loves me.  All of the facets of his character love me.  Everything he is . . . loves me.

Loves all of me.  The good stuff.  The bad stuff.  The strengths.  The weaknesses.  The rights.  The wrongs.  The past.  The future.  The ugly.  The beautiful.  

Just soak in that for a minute, and then say with me . . . wow. 

I wasn't afraid anymore.  No matter the diagnosis, no matter the outcome, God loves me.  God. Loves. Me.  And he loves you!  That is truth, and truth is what sets us free.  What is there to ever be afraid of, when the one who spoke the world into being wants to rejoice over me?  Sing over me?  Take delight in me?  

What does that say about him, and what does it say about me?

My test results came back fine.  No problems.  But problems will come, in all of our lives, and the truth will still be the same.  All of God loves all of me.  That knowledge should change me, make me bold, strong, courageous.  No earthly circumstances can change the eternal truth:

God loves me. 

The Problem With Church, Part 2

In my last post I discussed imperfections of the modern church.  There are many. There always have been, because the church is simply made up of people - fallen, broken, sinful people.

Today I'd like to talk about the other side of church. I've had many people say to me, "I won't/My husband/mother/son won't come to church because people there are liars/hypocrites/judgmental."

My response is, yes... And which one of those are you?

I'm intrigued by a world that both demands and represses the influence of the church on society. I hear things like, if the church would just do more/do less in the world, there would be no hunger or war or abuse.  If the church would just do good, bad things wouldn't happen.

I get that. And I don't disagree with it.  But here's the thing. To my knowledge, I don't know any ax murderers or pedophiles or sadists.  Most of the people who would have these discussions with me obey the law, pay their taxes, love their kids.  They are good people.

So my question to them is, why aren't you doing good things? If the church isn't ending hunger, war and abuse, what's stopping you?

Just because the church - remember, a group of fallen, faulty people - isn't doing what you think it should, doesn't give you an excuse to not do good yourself!

Yesterday, I told the church to grow up.  Today, I say the same thing to the world. If you are of reasonable age and intellect, you have surely figured out that life doesn't exist for you.  Life will continue, even if you are angry.  Or bitter. Or hypocritical. Because you are, you know.  All the things you accuse the church of - I'll bet you are those things too.

Because we all are.  The Bible even says that -  we are all sinners.  And yet, it also says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Whether you accept him or not. Whether you believe it or not.  Your belief doesn't change the facts.

I don't disagree that the church should be held to a higher standard. But not by you! Only God can judge the church. And he will one day, believe me.

There's a quote that I love by George Bernard Shaw.  (The entire thing is on the left side of this blog page.)  "This is the true joy in life — being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one… being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."  Shaw isn't discussing Christianity or faith or church attendance. In fact, until he was about 30 years old he considered himself an atheist. Then he became a mystic.  (No clue. Don't even ask me, because I have no idea.) 

Shaw isn't writing about being a better Christian. He's talking about being a better person.

So for those of you who have sworn off church - are you a force of nature or a clod of ailments? Have you allowed your distaste for the church to turn you into a religious vigilante, someone who chooses not to believe but won't let others have the same choice?

The church isn't perfect. People aren't perfect. You aren't, I'm not. (This is where you are supposed to gasp in disbelief.)  And get this - we aren't supposed to be perfect.

That stupid saying about Christians not being perfect, just forgiven? It's stinking true! I gave up a long time ago.  I don't even try to be perfect. Not for a second. I just wallow in forgiveness.

Give church another chance. Try faith again. You've learned so many lessons on what not to do... Think of how your life, your past, your shortcomings could influence the church for good!

The church isn't a building. It is a collection of people - people who, on any given day, are hurting or grieving or angry or bitter.  People who are massively, wonderfully imperfect.

Just like you.

Give church another chance.  And if you need help along the way, give me a call.  We can be wonderfully imperfect together.

Now that's church.

The Problem With Church

I've gone round and round in my mind and with God about the purpose of and problem with church.  While I know the bible teaches the importance of joining together on a regular basis (see Hebrews 10:25), being a part of a faith community is hard.

And why? When I look at the description of the early church in Acts 2, I feel... What do I feel?  Sad? Jealous? Frustrated?

Yes! And yes and yes!

Look at the description of these believers:

All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. - Acts 2:44-47

Why isn't the church the same way today? Frankly, because the church is simply people, and people are faulty.  (I made a conscious effort to not say stupid. But that's true too.)

Today we are so far removed from the Cross that we are not hungry for Christ. We are not desperate to hear about him, to talk about him, to think about him.  We take the whole thing for granted.

Look at the scripture again. It's important that the first sentence says they "were together."  You could easily miss this statement, skipping right over the significance, but I beg you not to.

How often do we blow right through church? In comparison, how often do we stay, sitting around, talking, laughing, sharing?  Or do we treat it as one of a thousand items on our checklist of things to do on any given Sunday?

The next statement says that the believers had "everything in common."  Oh. My. Word.  I'm so weird I have very little in common with anyone!  I have often prayed to meet people who are like me, so that I wouldn't feel so abnormal.  I can't imagine having everything in common with someone.

Is this a modern problem? Are we living in a disjointed age, where finding something in common with others is rare at best, impossible at worst? And to find people I have everything in common with? Ummm... No.  I don't think that person exists.

But maybe having everything in common isn't about my interests. Maybe it's about His interests.  Maybe having everything in common has nothing to do with me!

Ouch.  I thought everything had to do with me.

Ouch again.

Let's look deeper.  The early church met together daily. In the church. In their homes. They lived life together, every day.  They ate together, sang together.

They praised God together.
Every. Stinking. Day.

So what? What does this mean for us, two millennium later, 7,000 miles away, billions of people removed from that moment?  Is it possible to have church that way today?

If you're in Africa, yes.  If you live in China, yes. If you live in any country or area where church is hard instead of easy, then yes. It is possible.

We make church too easy. We sacrifice nothing to be there. We complain about spending too much time there.  We find excuses to be away, instead of searching for reasons to be there.  It's something we have to do, not something we get to do.

If only we hungered and thirsted after righteousness. If only we were desperate for a moment with Christ. If only we were willing to risk our social standing, our reputation, our very lives just to touch the hem of his garment.

What is wrong with church today?

We are.

We are the bride of Christ.  Brides breathlessly anticipate their wedding day, preparing even the smallest detail, trying to make everything perfect.

Brides don't gather a group of people in the foyer, gossiping.  They don't stand in a corner, hoping that that person doesn't see them so that they won't have to talk. 

Brides don't waste their time on things that don't matter. Every single detail of their lives - for months - is building up to the day when they see their groom, face to face, in a way they have never seen him before.

Know this. I am talking to myself and about myself. But know this, also.  I'm talking about you, too.  It's time to grow up! 

No wonder people aren't beating down the doors of the church.  If what you have doesn't change you, doesn't change your heart, your actions, your mindset - why would anyone else want it?

I'm putting these thoughts out here as plainly as I can. Jesus is coming soon.  We don't have much time left.  I don't want any of us to miss it. Nor do I want us to miss the opportunity to take someone with us.

What is the problem with church? You are.  I am. 

Let's change that.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV

Let's humble ourselves. Pray.  Seek his face.  Hunger for him. Thirst for him.  Be desperate for him. 

I want to go to church.  I want to be the church!  And I want it today!

What Does Judas Have to Teach Us?

Yesterday, at the end of my Isaiah bible study, I read out of John chapter 12, the story of Mary pouring perfume over Jesus' feet.  We had been studying Isaiah 30-31, which contains Messiah prophecies, and with this being Holy Week, I didn't want to miss an opportunity to talk about what the days of this week mean to us.

Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

Although I have known this particular story forever, something really stood out to me yesterday.  After Mary poured out the oil, wiping Jesus' feet with her hair, Judas Iscariot complained.  "That money could have been better spent!"

Now we know that Judas didn't care about the poor.  John minces no words - he was a thief.  The perfumed oil was worth a year's wages.  I imagine Judas dreaming about what he could have done with that money, if only it was used "properly." 

And so I got to thinking . . . am I like Mary?  Or am I like Judas?

What if this story happened today?  What if one person wanted to pour their whole lives out to Christ?  Would there be another one standing by who would criticize?  Come on.  Let's be honest.  Of course there would be someone criticizing.  The question is, which one are you?

It's easy for the modern Christian to dismiss Judas as evil or even possessed.  We cannot imagine identifying with someone like him.  But . . .

Let's think this through . . .

Are you robbing from God?  And I'm not even talking about the easiest option, money.  Let's put that aside.  Are you holding something back from him?  Your time?  Your abilities?  Your attitudes?  Are you holding onto something instead of allowing him to take it, wash it, transform it?

I have a sneaking suspicion that the spirit of Judas is alive and well in many a church today.  In many a Christian.  Whether you will admit it or not, many of us are like him - complaining about decisions, holding ourselves back, twisting our very hearts from the truth. 

I want to be like Mary.

I want to pour myself out for Him, allowing the very truth of His presence to permeate my life.  I want my home, my life, to be filled with the fragrant perfume of His love, living in me. 

I know I fall short of that, so often.  I'm so easily irritated, so very willing to complain when things around me are not handled the way I think they should be.  I'd better face facts - I complain when things are not handled my way. 

My way . . .

Is that where the seeds of rebellion began to take root in Judas' heart and life?  Did he have a "my way or the highway" attitude? 

Do you?

This Easter week, spend some time in prayerful reflection.  If you will look internally with Spirit-filled eyes, I believe that you, like me, will find some ugliness inside.  An attitude, a belief, or even an outright sin.  You have tried to hide it, to pretend it isn't there.  But it is there, and anything that you withhold from God influences you.  Even when you try to pretend it isn't there. 

I want to be like Mary.  I want to pour out my life as a fragrant offering for my Savior.  Today, I want to allow Christ to cleanse me of any part of me that may be like Judas.  Anything that will allow seeds of rebellion to take root in my heart.

Will you join me in this prayer?  Lord, cleanse me today.  Make me new.  Create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast spirit in me.  Pour your Holy Spirit over my life.  Especially this week, as I reflect on all this Easter may have in store for me, take me and use me.  Amen. 



  

But God...

I recently went to a women's retreat in Wisconsin. It was an amazing, Spirit-filled, intimate time of worship. There is a phrase from the retreat that keeps coming back to me, again and again.

But God.

Sometimes we think that the pages of our lives have already been written. We believe that because of our heritage, or our upbringing, or our surroundings, our destiny has been sealed.

However, to believe that means that God has no power to interfere - and the power to interfere is a mighty one.

If we had no hope but to be exactly what we are today...

The addict would have no hope of recovery.
The grieving would have no hope of restoration.
The lost would have no hope of redemption.

That list could go on and on.

Belief is also a mighty power.  And we have the ability to choose to believe that God wants to interfere in our lives.

But God...

I was sick with addiction - but God.
I was wallowing in grief - but God.
I was lost with no hope - but God.

Do you have a belief about yourself or about your life that keeps you from moving forward, from moving closer to God? Are you inwardly, perhaps even secretly, longing for God to interfere with your life?

Are you feeling unwanted? But God...
Are you feeling unloved? But God...
Are you feeling unprotected? But God...

It doesn't matter if you are from the wrong side of the tracks. Or if you have committed the most grievous of sins. Or if you feel as though you've lost your way and can't get back. Or if you are doubting, questioning, faltering.

But God.

Sometimes God will come slamming across your life like a hurricane, violently and unwanted. And sometimes he waits quietly.  He whispers. He woos.

But God.

May I give you some advice? Look for ways God is trying to interfere. Listen for his whispers. Let him do what he does.

But God... Those are beautiful words.

Lavish Update

When this year began, I wanted to choose a word that I would strive to focus on for the next twelve months.  If you have been reading this blog, you know I chose the word "lavish" and I've been working on ways to lavish all kinds of things on my family, my friends, and the people around me.

Something amazingly unexpected has happened.

My goal was to make the lives of others richer, fuller.  My goal was to lavish on others the way God has lavished on me.  His love, his attention, his kindness, his grace . . . the list of his gifts to me goes on and on.  I honestly expected that I would work hard to be a blessing to others and their lives would be changed. 

Who do I think I am?

I don't think I have changed anyone's life.  And suddenly it doesn't matter.  Because you know what?  I'm the one who is changed!

I have been radically, almost violently, blessed this year.  I mean, in a way that totally interferes with my life and my space and my outlook - blessed.  Knock my socks off blessed.  Can't wrap my mind around it blessed.  Don't understand it blessed.

Blessed.

I thought I could lavish on others.  Instead, others have been lavishing on me!  It gets better and better every day.  They've been pointing me to Christ, showing me how he showers on me - his love, his attention, his kindness, his grace . . .

An immediate, hindering thought occurs.  I've had a some hurts this year.  Some knock downs.  Some punches.  What about those?  What's amazing is this - the more I think about his gifts, the more I don't think about the hurts.  His gifts are greater than anything in the world.

His love, his attention, his kindness, his grace . . .

The list goes on and on.

Thank you, God, for lavishing on me.  Thank you for using people, people who showed me warmth and acceptance and . . . love, attention, kindness, grace . . . the list goes on and on.  All these gifts that you give freely, you often give through others.  So use me, please?  Let me try - just try - to bless others half as much as you've blessed me. 

A Letter to My Daughter-In-Law

I have one son, who is 11.  Clearly, then, I don't have a daughter-in-law.  In fact, I'm one of those mothers who discourages the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing - in elementary school.  And I'll do it in middle school.  And I'll probably do it in high school.  My idea is, only date someone you'd marry.  And if you are too young to think about marriage, you are too young to think about dating.

Sounds old-fashioned, I know.
I'm okay with that.

But I know my daughter-in-law is out there, somewhere.  And in 20 years, when they are preparing to get married (I know, he'll be 31 . . . I can dream) - I hope the letter below still exists, and she'll read it, knowing I was thinking about her.

There are some things I want her to know.  Some things I wanted to write down, in case in 20 years I'm senile - or gone.  I want her to know that I've been preparing for her.  So here goes:

Dear Daughter,

Oh, how I am praying for you.  Perhaps we know each other, now - or perhaps we've not met.  Either way, I'm praying for you. 

I'm praying that you are being raised in a holy home by parents who shower you with affection and blessing.  I'm praying that your mother models for you biblical femininity.  I'm praying that your father protects you with a fierce love that only daddies can offer.  I'm praying they teach you the Bible and the ways of the Lord, and they tell you every day how much they love you, and how much God loves you, too.

I pray that your home is filled with love, with laughter, with creativity, with joy.  I pray you feel safe in your home, free with your parents, strong in their love.  I pray that you sense you have a special calling, a destiny waiting to be fulfilled.

If you don't have those things . . . I pray that God protects your heart from hardness, your mind from decay, and your body from harm.  I hope you are able to remain tender and soft, loving and kind.  No matter what is happening now or has happened to you in your life - God loves you.  He has always loved you, he will always love you, and even when you haven't felt him, He was there. 

In addition to praying for you, I also promise you this:  I am doing my part to make your husband the man you want and need.  He already does his own laundry and cooks.  You may not realize just how amazing that is!  He is independent and likes doing things on his own.  I can only pray that continues as he becomes a teenager and young man!

I am teaching him to honor and respect women.  I try to model for him the kind of biblical woman described in Proverbs 31 and 1 Peter 3.  I fall way short of the ideal, but I am trying. 

I am preparing him to lead you.  His father does a wonderful job of modeling for him the kind of servant leadership that is found in Ephesians 5.  His father loves me the way Christ loves the church, and he shows me that consistently. 

In these ways, we are training our son for adulthood, to lead and serve, to be strong and tender.   It isn't easy - sometimes it is downright painful.  But you are never far from my mind.  I am not teaching him to be a good 11-year-old.  I am teaching him to be a good adult - wise, productive, contributing to the world.  I am teaching him to be a good husband, a good father, one who loves the Lord and loves the ones God has given him.

Here are some more promises for you:  I promise to value you, even though I am sure we will do things differently.  I promise to not criticize you, to your face or behind your back.  I promise to recognize that you are now his priority, not me.    I promise to include you in our traditions and encourage you to make your own. 

I promise to be the best. stinking. grandma. ever.  (Besides your mother, of course.)

I promise to work, really work on our relationship.  To support you.  To support your marriage.  To support your work.  I promise to enjoy you, and not to try to change you.  I promise to teach you, but only if you want to be taught.  I'll be here if you need advice, and I will try really, really hard to not offer advice if it's not asked for.  (But I can't make promises on that one.  I can only try.)

I always wanted a daughter.  When it became clear in our life that we were not going to have more children, I started setting my sights on my daughter-in-law.  I've been praying for you for years.  Wanting you, looking for you, preparing for you. 

I pray that together, you and your husband - my son - worship God, and God alone.  I pray that you build your home on a biblical foundation, and that you never ever stray from that.  Sometimes I see glimpses of the future, and I see the radical importance of staying right in Christ - now more than ever.  Or should I say then more than ever. 

Oh, my darling daughter . . . I think of you often.  When you get married, I hope you are radically close to your parents.  If you are, you may not want me to think of you as my daughter.  You may think that it is an insult to your parents.  I can very much understand that.  But know this - in my heart, there will not be any titles that separate us.  I will love you like my own.  You will be my daughter.  I will love you, protect you, respect you. 

You will be a gift to your husband, and I hope by then we have showed him and taught him how to cherish the incredible gift that you are.  I pray we have taught him to be grateful for the gifts that God gives him.  Gifts none of us deserve, but are graciously given all the same. 

Know that already, I want only good things for you.  I want you to know Christ, and the power of his resurrection.  I want you to know the blessing of contentment.  I want you to know love, overwhelming, all-encompassing love.  And forgiveness.  And grace.  And . . . well, frankly, that list goes on and on.

So I am praying for you.  I will not stop praying for you.  May our rich and loving God shower you with his abundant presence.  May he never stop teaching you, reaching you, working on you, in you, and through you. 

May you be blessed.  Today and always.