I have one son, who is 11. Clearly, then, I don't have a daughter-in-law. In fact, I'm one of those mothers who discourages the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing - in elementary school. And I'll do it in middle school. And I'll probably do it in high school. My idea is, only date someone you'd marry. And if you are too young to think about marriage, you are too young to think about dating.
Sounds old-fashioned, I know.
I'm okay with that.
But I know my daughter-in-law is out there, somewhere. And in 20 years, when they are preparing to get married (I know, he'll be 31 . . . I can dream) - I hope the letter below still exists, and she'll read it, knowing I was thinking about her.
There are some things I want her to know. Some things I wanted to write down, in case in 20 years I'm senile - or gone. I want her to know that I've been preparing for her. So here goes:
Dear Daughter,
Oh, how I am praying for you. Perhaps we know each other, now - or perhaps we've not met. Either way, I'm praying for you.
I'm praying that you are being raised in a holy home by parents who shower you with affection and blessing. I'm praying that your mother models for you biblical femininity. I'm praying that your father protects you with a fierce love that only daddies can offer. I'm praying they teach you the Bible and the ways of the Lord, and they tell you every day how much they love you, and how much God loves you, too.
I pray that your home is filled with love, with laughter, with creativity, with joy. I pray you feel safe in your home, free with your parents, strong in their love. I pray that you sense you have a special calling, a destiny waiting to be fulfilled.
If you don't have those things . . . I pray that God protects your heart from hardness, your mind from decay, and your body from harm. I hope you are able to remain tender and soft, loving and kind. No matter what is happening now or has happened to you in your life - God loves you. He has always loved you, he will always love you, and even when you haven't felt him, He was there.
In addition to praying for you, I also promise you this: I am doing my part to make your husband the man you want and need. He already does his own laundry and cooks. You may not realize just how amazing that is! He is independent and likes doing things on his own. I can only pray that continues as he becomes a teenager and young man!
I am teaching him to honor and respect women. I try to model for him the kind of biblical woman described in Proverbs 31 and 1 Peter 3. I fall way short of the ideal, but I am trying.
I am preparing him to lead you. His father does a wonderful job of modeling for him the kind of servant leadership that is found in Ephesians 5. His father loves me the way Christ loves the church, and he shows me that consistently.
In these ways, we are training our son for adulthood, to lead and serve, to be strong and tender. It isn't easy - sometimes it is downright painful. But you are never far from my mind. I am not teaching him to be a good 11-year-old. I am teaching him to be a good adult - wise, productive, contributing to the world. I am teaching him to be a good husband, a good father, one who loves the Lord and loves the ones God has given him.
Here are some more promises for you: I promise to value you, even though I am sure we will do things differently. I promise to not criticize you, to your face or behind your back. I promise to recognize that you are now his priority, not me. I promise to include you in our traditions and encourage you to make your own.
I promise to be the best. stinking. grandma. ever. (Besides your mother, of course.)
I promise to work, really work on our relationship. To support you. To support your marriage. To support your work. I promise to enjoy you, and not to try to change you. I promise to teach you, but only if you want to be taught. I'll be here if you need advice, and I will try really, really hard to not offer advice if it's not asked for. (But I can't make promises on that one. I can only try.)
I always wanted a daughter. When it became clear in our life that we were not going to have more children, I started setting my sights on my daughter-in-law. I've been praying for you for years. Wanting you, looking for you, preparing for you.
I pray that together, you and your husband - my son - worship God, and God alone. I pray that you build your home on a biblical foundation, and that you never ever stray from that. Sometimes I see glimpses of the future, and I see the radical importance of staying right in Christ - now more than ever. Or should I say then more than ever.
Oh, my darling daughter . . . I think of you often. When you get married, I hope you are radically close to your parents. If you are, you may not want me to think of you as my daughter. You may think that it is an insult to your parents. I can very much understand that. But know this - in my heart, there will not be any titles that separate us. I will love you like my own. You will be my daughter. I will love you, protect you, respect you.
You will be a gift to your husband, and I hope by then we have showed him and taught him how to cherish the incredible gift that you are. I pray we have taught him to be grateful for the gifts that God gives him. Gifts none of us deserve, but are graciously given all the same.
Know that already, I want only good things for you. I want you to know Christ, and the power of his resurrection. I want you to know the blessing of contentment. I want you to know love, overwhelming, all-encompassing love. And forgiveness. And grace. And . . . well, frankly, that list goes on and on.
So I am praying for you. I will not stop praying for you. May our rich and loving God shower you with his abundant presence. May he never stop teaching you, reaching you, working on you, in you, and through you.
May you be blessed. Today and always.
