Innocence Lost

My husband and I took our man-child to see a movie this week.  We are on vacation, visiting friends, and had some time to kill before our next outing.  A movie, we thought.  Buttery popcorn, fantasy action, and most importantly on a hot summer day - air conditioning!

I usually research movies we see, checking on the appropriateness of the content and language.  I don't want to poison my child's mind, let alone mine!  But in the last few months, I've been very lax about doing it.  And today . . .

The very first word of the movie was a cuss word.  I cringed, looked at Samuel, and he looked up at me with big eyes. 

I should have left right then.  Should have insisted, should have been willing to run the risk of everyone being mad at me.  I should have been willing to be called a prude. Because the language got worse and worse, until it finally culminated, toward the end, in the F-word. 

There's a reason it's referred to as the f bomb.  Because that word exploded in my mind and in my heart, and with dread I once again looked at Samuel, and he looked at me with VERY big eyes.  I covered my face with my hands in shame, fought back tears, and prayed for forgiveness and for protection for my baby's heart. 

But we stayed and finished the movie.

I am so ashamed of that fact.  .

Walking out of the theater, I asked Samuel about the word.  At first he tried to play it cool - he is 11, after all - but when I reminded him that I saw his face . . . Yes, he said.  He heard it.  No, he had never heard it before, although he had heard of it.

I started to cry.  In public.  In the parking lot.  My little man grabbed my hand - right there in front of everyone - and said, it's ok, mom. 

But it's not ok. 

Romans 12 says to hate what is evil and cling to what is good.  The Message version puts it this way:  "Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good."  

I am concerned that I - part of  church, the bride of Christ - am not disgusted by sin.  I am concerned that I am not repelled by sin.  I am concerned that sin is so easy to see in the world that at times I don't even notice it.  

I am concerned that I do not run for dear life. I am so ashamed of that fact.  

Innocence is like a huge slab of marble, waiting to be chipped away, like a sculpture.  No piece that is taken away can be put back on.  Innocence cannot be regenerated.  Once it is gone, it's gone.  You may read this story, and think - sheesh.  Dial it down a bit.  It's one word.  

And I say, it's one word that is now in his mind.  A word that has no redeeming value, a word that is meant to shock, a word whose very character is reprehensible.  

Here's what I think - why would I allow anything into my child's life that we don't do or use or say at home?  We don't say certain words, we don't do certain things - and we don't do those things on purpose.  So why oh why would I ever want to expose an innocent heart and mind to them?  

Sometimes I think that we as Christians think that exposure to sin is unavoidable.  While I don't purposefully teach that - in my home or in my ministry - am I teaching that with my actions?  If I tell my child that sin is a choice but don't take a stand about sin in our lives... What is the real lesson? 

Some sin is unavoidable, if we are going to live and work in this world.  But we certainly don't need to seek it out. We don't need to accept it as normal. And we definitely don't need to let it into our homes, hearts and minds. 

I am ashamed I didn't take a stand that day.  I wish I could show my son that God's way is worth standing up for. All I can do now is be prepared for next time. 

Because I am sure there will be a next time.