Last week I wrote about the steps I planned on taking to lavish on my husband. This week I wanted to share about lavishing on my child. Later I'll share how I plan to lavish on others.
These posts aren't really how-tos or instructions for anyone else. They are basically an opportunity for me to put "on paper" steps to make my goal a reality. Otherwise I'll just hang out feeling pretty good about myself that I have a word focus for this year! It's not enough to feel good. I want to do good!
One thing you'll notice is that each plan begins and ends the same. So . . .
The first thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with prayer. Every. Single. Day. The Lord can parent my kid masterfully better than I can ever hope. So I'm going to have to have Him to help me learn to parent his way. So I will pray for him, and pray for how I parent him.
I will pray for his heart, for his mind, for his body. He's growing so quickly. He's a preteen, and noticing - shall I say - stuff. He is venturing into new territories, more adult territories. Only through prayer protection can I help teach him how to guard himself against sin and its influences. I want him to see that even if he doesn't participate in sin, it can still influence him, through what he watches and reads.
As Samuel's mother, I have big dreams for him. Not to be president of the United States (although he would ROCK that job) but to do great things with God. There is a great article here How to Pray Big for Your Child. It is a FABULOUS reminder that God wants us to go big in our lives! Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." I love these verses - in fact, I'm preaching on them this week - because it gives us just a glimpse of how big God wants to be for us.
I will also lavish him with the knowledge that I pray for him, and continue to teach him to pray, by himself and with others. I pray for his friends, for his future wife, for his future influences, for the way he'll influence others . . . absolutely everything I can think of.
The second thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with validation. Please notice that I am not saying love. Of course, I love him. I'd die for him! But to say I love him without validating him is sort of purposeless.
Validation is simple. It's just acknowledging him. Do you know how it feels to be shopping in a department store, with the store clerk standing right there, never acknowledging your presence or asking if they can help you? It's frustrating, right? Imagine how kids must feel when they are not acknowledged by the people that they love.
When I validate Samuel I simply say, you are here, and I am glad. When he comes in the room, I will look up. When I pick him up from school, I will not be on the phone. I will not act as though my computer or phone are more important than he is!
Here is the other reason that validation is an appropriate tool in parenting. If I can model it for Samuel, he can learn to use it in his life, too. Validating emotions is key - it involves naming them and understanding. Here's a great article about it: Validating Your Children's Emotions. I'm not raising a child to be a good child. I'm raising a child to be a good, productive adult.
Boys, especially, have trouble with emotions. I think that helping him name his emotions will teach him to not be mastered by them.
Validation is not the same thing as praise. But praise has it's role too. That's why ...
The third thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with appropriate praise. Appropriate. I'm not a "praiser" at heart. It's not one of my gifts. I see how good things are, but I don't always say it. Parenting has helped me to be better at this. But praise must be appropriate to be effective and important.
I want my son to know that I am his biggest cheerleader, but also know that I will not cheer for him for doing something mediocre or downright wrong! I also want him to notice that I am praising him for who he is, for his character, not for his accomplishments. He may not grow to be an adult who has a lot of outward accomplishments. He may not win the Nobel Prize or be named MVP. I can teach him to be ok with that now, by praising him for being honest. For being kind. For being loving.
Praise also indicates expectation. I expect him to be honest, kind and loving. So when he does the things I expect, hearing my praise encourages him to keep doing those things. Now, praise is not - "Good job!" Praise is specific. It's, "Honey, I appreciate you being kind to that little boy. He needed someone to be sweet to him."
Here's another great article about praise: Don't Praise Your Children. It shows the role of appropriate praise in parenting. (He talks specifically about not "lavishing" your kids with praise. But read carefully, because he's not saying that I'm doing wrong.)
The final thing I want to do for my child is him with attention. But again . . . appropriate attention. My life doesn't revolve around my kid. We strive to only be involved in one activity at a time, because I don't want to run and run and run. Frankly, I don't know how those of you with more than one child do it. It's hard enough for me to keep up with the stuff that comes with one kid!
But in those activities, he should get my whole attention. It's funny - we expect kids to look at us when we are talking to them. Yet we adults go everywhere with our phones. I myself have sat at soccer practice and played Candy Crush the whole time. Totally missed him learning a new skill and excelling at it. Sat at restaurants where each one of us were looking at something in our hands, not at each other. Mom fail.
There are times that our kids need to know that they are the most important thing. But there are times that they need to know they aren't. When I am busy, making dinner, or studying, I can't necessarily drop everything to hear his joke or his story. But when I'm not busy, there is no reason that he can't get my whole attention.
This is another modeling thing. I model the behavior I expect from him. When he wants to play a game, that is something I can do without my phone in front of me. Just like when I want to talk to him, I expect the television off and the Ipod put away.
I hope my thoughts will encourage you in your journey!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Lavish On Our Spouse
I decided that just picking a word for my year wasn't enough. I decided that I wanted to start getting specific about who and how and when and why . . .
So for the next few posts that's what I'm going to discuss - probably in long, rambling, non-sensical sentences.
I want to start with ways I can lavish on my spouse.
The first thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with prayer. There are a number of ways to pray for our spouses, I like this one "Ten Ways to Pray for Your Husband". Most importantly, I realize that I will do nothing else right for my husband if I don't start by putting him in God's hands. Praying for him daily will help soothe the little irritations of life, renew my love for him, and allow me to submit our relationship to the Father on a daily basis.
The next thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with respect. It's been said that a man's number one need is respect. There's a really good article here "What Men Wish Women Knew". In a culture that devalues the role of the husband as the head of the home, the concept and practice of respect is dwindling. And it is clearly seen all over! Many "family friendly" sitcoms today show Dad as a buffoon that the kids make fun of and the wife ignores. My husband deserves, needs, and relishes in my respect.
The third thing I want to do for my husband is to lavish him with affection. Yup, you know what I'm talking about. My husband's love language is physical touch. He needs it, he wants it, he responds to it. There are many ways to lavish touch on a man, and while we can say, "It doesn't have to be sexual" . . . give me a break. Of course it does! But there are many kinds of sexual touch. Everyone has to figure out what works for their relationship.
I'm not going to talk anymore about that. I'm a prude.
Moving on . . . the final thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with my attention. When he walks in the room, I will look at him. When he speaks, I will listen. I will make time just for him, so that he will see and know that his is the most important earthly relationship to me! I won't realize on Tuesday afternoon that I have hardly seen or spoken to him since Sunday. (Note that I'm using real examples from my own life!) I will seek him out, listen, laugh, enjoy his company.
I know that lavish is my word for this year, not yours. But I thought if I shared my feelings about this with you, maybe you would think of some ways to lavish on your spouse, too. My next post will be about lavishing on our children!
So for the next few posts that's what I'm going to discuss - probably in long, rambling, non-sensical sentences.
I want to start with ways I can lavish on my spouse.
The first thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with prayer. There are a number of ways to pray for our spouses, I like this one "Ten Ways to Pray for Your Husband". Most importantly, I realize that I will do nothing else right for my husband if I don't start by putting him in God's hands. Praying for him daily will help soothe the little irritations of life, renew my love for him, and allow me to submit our relationship to the Father on a daily basis.
The next thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with respect. It's been said that a man's number one need is respect. There's a really good article here "What Men Wish Women Knew". In a culture that devalues the role of the husband as the head of the home, the concept and practice of respect is dwindling. And it is clearly seen all over! Many "family friendly" sitcoms today show Dad as a buffoon that the kids make fun of and the wife ignores. My husband deserves, needs, and relishes in my respect.
The third thing I want to do for my husband is to lavish him with affection. Yup, you know what I'm talking about. My husband's love language is physical touch. He needs it, he wants it, he responds to it. There are many ways to lavish touch on a man, and while we can say, "It doesn't have to be sexual" . . . give me a break. Of course it does! But there are many kinds of sexual touch. Everyone has to figure out what works for their relationship.
I'm not going to talk anymore about that. I'm a prude.
Moving on . . . the final thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with my attention. When he walks in the room, I will look at him. When he speaks, I will listen. I will make time just for him, so that he will see and know that his is the most important earthly relationship to me! I won't realize on Tuesday afternoon that I have hardly seen or spoken to him since Sunday. (Note that I'm using real examples from my own life!) I will seek him out, listen, laugh, enjoy his company.
I know that lavish is my word for this year, not yours. But I thought if I shared my feelings about this with you, maybe you would think of some ways to lavish on your spouse, too. My next post will be about lavishing on our children!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
. . . And a Lavish New Year
Happy New Year! I've taken a few weeks off here, and they have been glorious. I've really enjoyed the time with my family, and now, like so many of you, we are digging out of the snow, trying to get back to our normal routine.
Or are we? Normal is different for everyone, and I want my normal in 2014 to be a little bit more special.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. They are just a societal pressure cooker that sets us up for failure. They rarely evoke any real changes. In fact, most of us make resolutions so vague and unreachable that we are doomed to fail and feel miserable. What a way to begin a new year!
I do, however, love new beginnings. They are genesis, godly. Beginnings are God's reminder of the promise of new life, and life eternal. I love our natural, innate tendencies to spend the last days of a year reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future, dreaming and making plans for the kinds of lives we want to lead.
Sometimes, I choose a word that I want to focus on in the new year. A word I want to describe my actions and my life. A word that I hope that, as I focus on implementing it into my daily life, will change not only myself but those around me.
My word for this year: lavish.
The synonyms for this word as an adjective: Extravagant. Generous. Abundant. The dictionary definition for this word as a verb: To expend or give in great amounts or without limit.
This word, to me, describes God. And that's who I want to be like. Consider the following:
[ The God of Glory ] How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6
God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won’t have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you’ll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don’t swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods. Deuteronomy 28:11-14
Hallelujah! Blessed man, blessed woman, who fear God, Who cherish and relish his commandments, Their children robust on the earth, And the homes of the upright—how blessed! Their houses brim with wealth And a generosity that never runs dry. Sunrise breaks through the darkness for good people— God’s grace and mercy and justice! The good person is generous and lends lavishly; No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, But a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor and gossip, Heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, Ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, They lavish gifts on the poor— A generosity that goes on, and on, and on. An honored life! A beautiful life! Someone wicked takes one look and rages, Blusters away but ends up speechless. There’s nothing to the dreams of the wicked. Nothing. Psalm 112:1-10
God has lavished me with his extravagant love. His abundant grace. His generous presence. How can I strive for anything less?
I pray that I can be even a little bit like God this year. I pray that just as I have experience his lavish gifts, I can give gifts in the same lavish nature. Because I love Him, and I want to be just like him.
Or are we? Normal is different for everyone, and I want my normal in 2014 to be a little bit more special.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. They are just a societal pressure cooker that sets us up for failure. They rarely evoke any real changes. In fact, most of us make resolutions so vague and unreachable that we are doomed to fail and feel miserable. What a way to begin a new year!
I do, however, love new beginnings. They are genesis, godly. Beginnings are God's reminder of the promise of new life, and life eternal. I love our natural, innate tendencies to spend the last days of a year reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future, dreaming and making plans for the kinds of lives we want to lead.
Sometimes, I choose a word that I want to focus on in the new year. A word I want to describe my actions and my life. A word that I hope that, as I focus on implementing it into my daily life, will change not only myself but those around me.
My word for this year: lavish.
The synonyms for this word as an adjective: Extravagant. Generous. Abundant. The dictionary definition for this word as a verb: To expend or give in great amounts or without limit.
This word, to me, describes God. And that's who I want to be like. Consider the following:
[ The God of Glory ] How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6
God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won’t have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you’ll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don’t swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods. Deuteronomy 28:11-14
Hallelujah! Blessed man, blessed woman, who fear God, Who cherish and relish his commandments, Their children robust on the earth, And the homes of the upright—how blessed! Their houses brim with wealth And a generosity that never runs dry. Sunrise breaks through the darkness for good people— God’s grace and mercy and justice! The good person is generous and lends lavishly; No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, But a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor and gossip, Heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, Ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, They lavish gifts on the poor— A generosity that goes on, and on, and on. An honored life! A beautiful life! Someone wicked takes one look and rages, Blusters away but ends up speechless. There’s nothing to the dreams of the wicked. Nothing. Psalm 112:1-10
God has lavished me with his extravagant love. His abundant grace. His generous presence. How can I strive for anything less?
I pray that I can be even a little bit like God this year. I pray that just as I have experience his lavish gifts, I can give gifts in the same lavish nature. Because I love Him, and I want to be just like him.
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