Again . . . love

It's been 12 days since I've posted.  Part of the reason is because I have been busy like crazy.  But a lot of the reason is that I've been pouting.  I've had a bit of a personal . . . well, crisis may be too strong a word, but that's how it felt.  I've been under attack, that I know for sure, and though the attack came from a so-called friend, the real battle has been spiritual.

When you find out that those you thought were loyal friends actually aren't, doesn't it cause you to doubt everything?  When I learned recently of some harsh things that were said about me, it caused me to doubt myself, my ministry, my ability to lead . . . it caused me to doubt writing this blog.  I thought, how can I lead anyone, when I know there are people who think these horrible things about me?  That's when I remembered that for me, it's not about leading.  It's about serving.  Serving God through serving others. 

I started this blog because I felt led to do so by my dad.  Not my earthly father, but my eternal Father.  My Abba Father, my Creator.  The one who loves me deeply and passionately and with an all-consuming love.  So I write this for Him, and if 9 people see it every day, if a few people get something out of it once in a while, that's great.  But it's not for you.  It's not for me.  It's for Him.

Anyway, I realized that the earthly attack I felt was really only a cover for a spiritual attack, and I failed miserably.  One of the groups I am in at church is studying the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  So check this out:  I learned of this attack last Monday.  On Wednesday we were reading the 2nd chapter of the book, where Chan shared his thoughts about stress and worry.  He referred to Philippians 4:4:  Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!

Paul didn't say . . . hey, if you are worry-free, have no problems, or maybe when your problems are over . . . rejoice.  No, it's not an offer or suggestion.  It's a command:  REJOICE!  When I am overwhelmed with stress, worry, busyness, or feel under attack, and do not rejoice, I am disobeying God.  I am telling Him that it's my right to worry, that this commandment doesn't apply to me.  In fact, I am telling God that I do not trust His ability to take care of me. 

I do not want to tell God that.  I want to honor Him in everything I do.  And the bottom line is, in my personal situation . . . I need to remember to live for an audience of One.  When I keep that at the forefront of my mind and heart, it is easy to rejoice.  It's natural, because I am thinking of the One who created me, purposed me, has a plan for me, died for me . . . the One who loves me.