In the Interest of Full Disclosure . . .

I must confess. 

This morning when I was writing on here I felt like I was getting kicked in the teeth.

Because so far . . .

The lavish life is not being well-lived.

And I think I know why.  It seems that the hardest place to keep love alive is in the home.  You know?  I think we are all a little bit frustrated with the weather, tired of being off our regular routine, feeling pushed to our emotional limits.

Or maybe it's just me.

A week ago I was a part of an amazing worship experience.  I watched, I listened, I absorbed, I participated. 

And I got kicked in the teeth.  Right in the middle of the worship.  I've been kicked by the devil before, but this time, I've had a hard time getting over it.  I can't shake him!  And it's getting to me. 

So you add that to the snow, the sub-zero temperatures, not to mention the attitudes of most of us about said snow and sub-zero temperatures, and you get this.

Me.
Stingy me. 
The opposite of lavish.

Not being lavish with my husband.
Not being lavish with my child.
Not being lavish with others.

Clearly, I need to lavish on myself.  Now, don't take that the wrong way.  I'm not talking about lavishing stuff on myself.  (Although I still want that tiara!)  I'm not talking about being "nicer" to myself, buying myself a pick-me-up, or raising my self-esteem.

I'm talking about lavishing myself with the word of God.  I'm talking about wallowing in His presence.  I'm talking about letting His love amaze me, His grace wash me, and His power fill me. 

Please forgive me, the one or two people who may read this.  If I have acted as if I'm already being lavish on others - that was a lie.  I'm struggling with it.  Maybe that's why God led me to that word in the first place!  Maybe I needed reminded that I have to be filled with his lavish love before I can turn it around to the rest of the world.

I need to start over again, and I'll do that now.