To Lavish . . .

My quest for a lavish life this year may be misleading.  I'm not asking for my own yacht, fancy clothes, or a tiara. 

Scratch that.  I desperately want a tiara. 

Desperately.

Seriously.

Anyway, the lavish-ness I'm looking for isn't something that is coming for me.  I want it to come from me.  I want to develop the ability and skills to make whoever I am with feel special.  I want that person to know that at that moment, I am totally and wholly with them.  Whether I am with my husband, my child, or others, I am working towards making them feel loved.

So I've already talked about how I want to lavish on my husband, and on my child.  Today, I have a plan of how to lavish on others. 

The first way is the same as the others - prayer.  I want my friends and loved ones to know without a doubt that I am praying for them.  Not just the kind of praying that's, "Lord, be with so-and-so."  I mean the kind of prayer that makes my knees hurt.  The kind that agonizes.  The kind that cries.

That's the kind of prayer that people need.  Interceding.  Loving.  Working.  Prayer that walks beside them, through the trenches.

Next, I want to lavish others with authentic friendship.  The kind that really cares, gets involved.  The kind of friendship that takes time.  This kind of lavishing is not smart mouthed or sarcastic.  It's real, and really in the moment. 

Lavishing friends with authentic friendship means that you'll get my attention.  The kind that asks about their children.  Their jobs.  Their spouses.  And then listens to the answers!

Which brings me to the next area of lavishing - listening.  I can't tell you how many times I have realized in the middle of someone else's story that I wasn't listening!  I enjoy blaming it on my ADD (or, as my husband refers to it, Adult Onset Undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder - AOU-ADD), but the truth is, I could listen better if I try.

I tend to be a problem solver by nature.  But I know that sometimes when I'm upset or have a problem, I don't want my friend to solve it for me.  I just want them to listen to me.  Yes, I am a whiner.  I state it proudly!  I AM A WHINER!  MY NAME IS JENN, AND I'M A WHINER!  And I'm not the only one.

Sometimes in life, you just need to whine.  Not forever - that's not healthy.  But sometimes whining can be healthy.  What I'm really doing when I listen to you whine is validating your problem.  I'm going to listen, ask questions that encourage you to talk more, and listen some more!  There's a great article from Real Simple magazine that you can read here How To Be a Good Friend.  

Finally, I'm going to lavish my friends with grace.  So you're late.  Tired.  Forgetful.  I want you to give me a break, so why shouldn't I give that to you?  I want friends that accept me just how I am, so why shouldn't I give that to you?  I want people to not judge me - so why shouldn't I give that to you?

As a Christian, I have been freely given grace - God, in fact, has lavished it upon me.  But I know that I'm not so great about lavishing this on others.  I'm selfish and self-centered.  (Stop.  It's true.)  I think about my time, my schedule, my preferences.

But grace isn't about me.  It's about you. 

So that's what I'm working on.  How about you?