Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you Matthew 28:18-20
The Christian life is a soldier's life. We are fighting a war for holiness, for righteousness, with epic battles for eternal outcomes. Each soldier has a role. Each soldier has a purpose. Each soldier has a mission.
Jesus told us in Matthew 28 what the purpose of the mission is: to make disciples. This is what we are fighting for. And then, he equips us with every piece of armor we need to overcome the dark and evil forces of our enemy. Ultimately, the war has already been won - by Jesus, the Messiah, the
Redeemer, the Conqueror of sin and death. Yet he stills calls us to
join him in the battle for souls - the lives of our friends, our loved
ones.
While we were created individually, with special and unique gifts and talents, the overriding purpose of those talents is to tell people about God. However you do it - as a doctor, a stay at home mom, a sales clerk - that's what you are called to do.
It's actually a pretty simple battle plan.
This is a spiritual battle, but this is a physical world. Paul tells us in Ephesians 6 that we don't battle flesh and blood, but spiritual forces. These forces are the enemy of the Christ follower, who wants nothing less than our souls to be damned, for eternity. But Paul wasn't saying that there is not physical work to be done. In fact, the spiritual campaign for souls involves massive physical work.
It requires going.
The Lord asked Isaiah, who will go? That is not a rhetorical question. It's real life, with real implications. It's about blood, sweat, tears. It's going physically, going emotionally, going mentally, going spiritually. It's work.
Jesus told us to go and make disciples. That is not a rhetorical command. It's real life, with real implications. It's about blood, sweat, tears. It's going physically, going emotionally, going mentally, going spiritually. It's work.
Sometimes, in this battle, a soldier falls or is brought home. What will happen to the people that soldier was fighting for? Who will pray now? Who will disciple now? Who will go now?
That's the question, the point of this post. Who will stand in the gap for the soldier who has left? Will it be you?
This weekend, one of our soldiers went home. It's where she'd been working, praying, fighting to be. My heart is ... heavy is not the right word. Because I know where she is and I can only imagine what she's doing. My heart is ... full, because I will miss her. I will need her. I will remember her.
But who will stand in her place? Who will pray and intercede and give and love and remember? Who will do the things she did?
Here am I, Lord. Send me. Send me to my knees, praying for the lost. Send me to the bedside of the sick, bearing their burdens. Send me to my wallet to give money, helping those in need.
Just send me.
There are two battle songs that come to my mind. One is called "Hosanna." The second verse says, "I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith." The other song is "Break Every Chain." One of the verses goes, "There's an army rising up, to break every chain."
Battle songs. War cries. Victory anthems.
There are still battles left to fight and victories left to win. Whether you want to be at war or not, you are. Whether you want to be in battle or not, you are. Every day there is a victory waiting for you to claim.
Who will go? Will you take your place? Will you rise up?
Pray that God will make you brave enough to say, "Here am I. Send me."
Monday, February 24, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
What Kind of Warrior are You?
We are all warriors. We are all fighting some kind of battle. Some of us are winning, some of us are losing. Some of us have no idea what we are doing!
That warrior is dangerous - to themselves.
The way I see it, there are two kinds of warriors: the Cowardly and the Courageous. Remember, we are all fighting for something, or against something. As you read through these descriptions, think about what kind of warrior you are.
Oh, and be careful. Some of these may hurt!
The Cowardly Warrior lashes out on social media, not naming names of course, but giving themselves a powerful slap on the back that they put "that person" in their place. Doing this may make the Coward feel like a king, but the reactions of the reader runs the gamut from head scratching to anger. It is a passive aggressive, immature way of dealing with the punches of life.
The Courageous Warrior honors the principles of Matthew 18. Jesus said, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over." (verse 15) The Courageous One will choose biblical foundations over temporary flashes of temper.
The Cowardly Warrior cannot accept instruction or correction. When offered wisdom and truth, the Coward takes no responsibility and makes no amends. He slinks away and licks his wounds, and never grows emotionally, mentally or spiritually.
The Courageous Warrior remembers the wisdom of Proverbs: "Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life." (4:13) Courage knows that it is not enough to listen to wisdom; you must act on it, put it into practice.
The Cowardly Warrior has evidence of immaturity and ignorance in her life: broken relationships, lost jobs, bad credit. Folly is clearly running the show in the Coward's life. But they have chosen to blame others, instead of taking responsibility.
The Courageous Warrior has evidence of maturity and wisdom in her life: long relationships, established work, good reputation. She is known for her good decisions, just as Solomon was: "Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?” (2 Chronicles 1:10) God-given wisdom is at the forefront of her life. When she makes mistakes, she steps forward, takes responsibility, and moves on.
The Cowardly Warrior allows outward circumstances to dictate their actions: a bad day drives bad decisions. The mildest of circumstances can transform them - weather, friends, even the news. When they hear gossip, they allow it to fuel their fire, and turn around and burn others. No one is safe from their ire.
The Courageous Warrior knows that they must rise above all circumstances. They remember the words of Paul is Philippians 4:11-12: "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Courage trusts that God uses all circumstances for His glory, whether it is something as simple as a traffic jam, or as complex as illness.
The Cowardly Warrior is quick to point out the fault of others, and how those faults affect them! They show no grace, no mercy, no love or forgiveness to friend or stranger, should that person dare to cross them in anyway. The Coward is extremely touchy; always upset about something, always on a soapbox, always frustrated and unhappy about the world. They are constantly judging others while insisting no one judge them.
The Courageous Warrior knows that Jesus meant what he said: "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' wen all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:2-4)
Courage recognizes their own sinful bent, and with a thankful heart for their own forgiveness, offers forgiveness to others. They are not touchy, sensitive, or needy. They rely on Jesus to meet their needs, soothe their hearts, renew their strength.
The Cowardly Warrior likes to think that no one is watching them. When someone cuts him off in traffic for example, he yells, even using hand gestures, knowing that his fellow motorist is long gone and has no idea what he's doing. But you know who is watching? His children. His spouse. His God.
The Coward only wants to be noticed when he is doing something right. He expects to be overlooked when he is doing something wrong, and will take no notice of the damage he causes to the little eyes and ears that see and hear. And it's not just family - the people in the office, in the Sunday School class, in the grocery store line - they all see. They all hear. They all know. They see you scowl. They hear you complain. They are watching, and they know what you do.
The Courageous Warrior knows that the real life is a transparent life. He remembers that God is always watching, always there. Courage knows that he must be open to inspection. "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (1 Peter 3:15-16)
Courage doesn't need to hide his actions during the day. Courage doesn't need to hide his actions from others. Courage encourages both friend and foe to look to him - not because he thinks he is perfect. Because he is not! But Courage knows he lives under grace.
Finally, the Cowardly Warrior believes lies. She believes that she cannot control her own behavior, that she "can't help the way she is." Wallowing in this belief, she doesn't reach for a higher ideal of life. She chooses to stay complacent.
The Courageous Warrior consistently reaches for more. Not more stuff, or fame, or money. She reaches for a deeper life, a deeper love. She has the power and strength to reach because she knows how deep God is! Courage believes Paul's words in Ephesians 3: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." (17-18)
I hope these words today will encourage you. Challenge you. Call to you. I assume that you are like me - I find myself in some areas of cowardice, some areas of courage. I hope that these truths will inspire us all to walk away from being cowards, and run towards courage.
That warrior is dangerous - to themselves.
The way I see it, there are two kinds of warriors: the Cowardly and the Courageous. Remember, we are all fighting for something, or against something. As you read through these descriptions, think about what kind of warrior you are.
Oh, and be careful. Some of these may hurt!
The Cowardly Warrior lashes out on social media, not naming names of course, but giving themselves a powerful slap on the back that they put "that person" in their place. Doing this may make the Coward feel like a king, but the reactions of the reader runs the gamut from head scratching to anger. It is a passive aggressive, immature way of dealing with the punches of life.
The Courageous Warrior honors the principles of Matthew 18. Jesus said, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over." (verse 15) The Courageous One will choose biblical foundations over temporary flashes of temper.
The Cowardly Warrior cannot accept instruction or correction. When offered wisdom and truth, the Coward takes no responsibility and makes no amends. He slinks away and licks his wounds, and never grows emotionally, mentally or spiritually.
The Courageous Warrior remembers the wisdom of Proverbs: "Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life." (4:13) Courage knows that it is not enough to listen to wisdom; you must act on it, put it into practice.
The Cowardly Warrior has evidence of immaturity and ignorance in her life: broken relationships, lost jobs, bad credit. Folly is clearly running the show in the Coward's life. But they have chosen to blame others, instead of taking responsibility.
The Courageous Warrior has evidence of maturity and wisdom in her life: long relationships, established work, good reputation. She is known for her good decisions, just as Solomon was: "Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?” (2 Chronicles 1:10) God-given wisdom is at the forefront of her life. When she makes mistakes, she steps forward, takes responsibility, and moves on.
The Cowardly Warrior allows outward circumstances to dictate their actions: a bad day drives bad decisions. The mildest of circumstances can transform them - weather, friends, even the news. When they hear gossip, they allow it to fuel their fire, and turn around and burn others. No one is safe from their ire.
The Courageous Warrior knows that they must rise above all circumstances. They remember the words of Paul is Philippians 4:11-12: "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Courage trusts that God uses all circumstances for His glory, whether it is something as simple as a traffic jam, or as complex as illness.
The Cowardly Warrior is quick to point out the fault of others, and how those faults affect them! They show no grace, no mercy, no love or forgiveness to friend or stranger, should that person dare to cross them in anyway. The Coward is extremely touchy; always upset about something, always on a soapbox, always frustrated and unhappy about the world. They are constantly judging others while insisting no one judge them.
The Courageous Warrior knows that Jesus meant what he said: "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' wen all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:2-4)
Courage recognizes their own sinful bent, and with a thankful heart for their own forgiveness, offers forgiveness to others. They are not touchy, sensitive, or needy. They rely on Jesus to meet their needs, soothe their hearts, renew their strength.
The Cowardly Warrior likes to think that no one is watching them. When someone cuts him off in traffic for example, he yells, even using hand gestures, knowing that his fellow motorist is long gone and has no idea what he's doing. But you know who is watching? His children. His spouse. His God.
The Coward only wants to be noticed when he is doing something right. He expects to be overlooked when he is doing something wrong, and will take no notice of the damage he causes to the little eyes and ears that see and hear. And it's not just family - the people in the office, in the Sunday School class, in the grocery store line - they all see. They all hear. They all know. They see you scowl. They hear you complain. They are watching, and they know what you do.
The Courageous Warrior knows that the real life is a transparent life. He remembers that God is always watching, always there. Courage knows that he must be open to inspection. "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (1 Peter 3:15-16)
Courage doesn't need to hide his actions during the day. Courage doesn't need to hide his actions from others. Courage encourages both friend and foe to look to him - not because he thinks he is perfect. Because he is not! But Courage knows he lives under grace.
Finally, the Cowardly Warrior believes lies. She believes that she cannot control her own behavior, that she "can't help the way she is." Wallowing in this belief, she doesn't reach for a higher ideal of life. She chooses to stay complacent.
The Courageous Warrior consistently reaches for more. Not more stuff, or fame, or money. She reaches for a deeper life, a deeper love. She has the power and strength to reach because she knows how deep God is! Courage believes Paul's words in Ephesians 3: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." (17-18)
I hope these words today will encourage you. Challenge you. Call to you. I assume that you are like me - I find myself in some areas of cowardice, some areas of courage. I hope that these truths will inspire us all to walk away from being cowards, and run towards courage.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
In the Interest of Full Disclosure . . .
I must confess.
This morning when I was writing on here I felt like I was getting kicked in the teeth.
Because so far . . .
The lavish life is not being well-lived.
And I think I know why. It seems that the hardest place to keep love alive is in the home. You know? I think we are all a little bit frustrated with the weather, tired of being off our regular routine, feeling pushed to our emotional limits.
Or maybe it's just me.
A week ago I was a part of an amazing worship experience. I watched, I listened, I absorbed, I participated.
And I got kicked in the teeth. Right in the middle of the worship. I've been kicked by the devil before, but this time, I've had a hard time getting over it. I can't shake him! And it's getting to me.
So you add that to the snow, the sub-zero temperatures, not to mention the attitudes of most of us about said snow and sub-zero temperatures, and you get this.
Me.
Stingy me.
The opposite of lavish.
Not being lavish with my husband.
Not being lavish with my child.
Not being lavish with others.
Clearly, I need to lavish on myself. Now, don't take that the wrong way. I'm not talking about lavishing stuff on myself. (Although I still want that tiara!) I'm not talking about being "nicer" to myself, buying myself a pick-me-up, or raising my self-esteem.
I'm talking about lavishing myself with the word of God. I'm talking about wallowing in His presence. I'm talking about letting His love amaze me, His grace wash me, and His power fill me.
Please forgive me, the one or two people who may read this. If I have acted as if I'm already being lavish on others - that was a lie. I'm struggling with it. Maybe that's why God led me to that word in the first place! Maybe I needed reminded that I have to be filled with his lavish love before I can turn it around to the rest of the world.
I need to start over again, and I'll do that now.
This morning when I was writing on here I felt like I was getting kicked in the teeth.
Because so far . . .
The lavish life is not being well-lived.
And I think I know why. It seems that the hardest place to keep love alive is in the home. You know? I think we are all a little bit frustrated with the weather, tired of being off our regular routine, feeling pushed to our emotional limits.
Or maybe it's just me.
A week ago I was a part of an amazing worship experience. I watched, I listened, I absorbed, I participated.
And I got kicked in the teeth. Right in the middle of the worship. I've been kicked by the devil before, but this time, I've had a hard time getting over it. I can't shake him! And it's getting to me.
So you add that to the snow, the sub-zero temperatures, not to mention the attitudes of most of us about said snow and sub-zero temperatures, and you get this.
Me.
Stingy me.
The opposite of lavish.
Not being lavish with my husband.
Not being lavish with my child.
Not being lavish with others.
Clearly, I need to lavish on myself. Now, don't take that the wrong way. I'm not talking about lavishing stuff on myself. (Although I still want that tiara!) I'm not talking about being "nicer" to myself, buying myself a pick-me-up, or raising my self-esteem.
I'm talking about lavishing myself with the word of God. I'm talking about wallowing in His presence. I'm talking about letting His love amaze me, His grace wash me, and His power fill me.
Please forgive me, the one or two people who may read this. If I have acted as if I'm already being lavish on others - that was a lie. I'm struggling with it. Maybe that's why God led me to that word in the first place! Maybe I needed reminded that I have to be filled with his lavish love before I can turn it around to the rest of the world.
I need to start over again, and I'll do that now.
To Lavish . . .
My quest for a lavish life this year may be misleading. I'm not asking for my own yacht, fancy clothes, or a tiara.
Scratch that. I desperately want a tiara.
Desperately.
Seriously.
Anyway, the lavish-ness I'm looking for isn't something that is coming for me. I want it to come from me. I want to develop the ability and skills to make whoever I am with feel special. I want that person to know that at that moment, I am totally and wholly with them. Whether I am with my husband, my child, or others, I am working towards making them feel loved.
So I've already talked about how I want to lavish on my husband, and on my child. Today, I have a plan of how to lavish on others.
The first way is the same as the others - prayer. I want my friends and loved ones to know without a doubt that I am praying for them. Not just the kind of praying that's, "Lord, be with so-and-so." I mean the kind of prayer that makes my knees hurt. The kind that agonizes. The kind that cries.
That's the kind of prayer that people need. Interceding. Loving. Working. Prayer that walks beside them, through the trenches.
Next, I want to lavish others with authentic friendship. The kind that really cares, gets involved. The kind of friendship that takes time. This kind of lavishing is not smart mouthed or sarcastic. It's real, and really in the moment.
Lavishing friends with authentic friendship means that you'll get my attention. The kind that asks about their children. Their jobs. Their spouses. And then listens to the answers!
Which brings me to the next area of lavishing - listening. I can't tell you how many times I have realized in the middle of someone else's story that I wasn't listening! I enjoy blaming it on my ADD (or, as my husband refers to it, Adult Onset Undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder - AOU-ADD), but the truth is, I could listen better if I try.
I tend to be a problem solver by nature. But I know that sometimes when I'm upset or have a problem, I don't want my friend to solve it for me. I just want them to listen to me. Yes, I am a whiner. I state it proudly! I AM A WHINER! MY NAME IS JENN, AND I'M A WHINER! And I'm not the only one.
Sometimes in life, you just need to whine. Not forever - that's not healthy. But sometimes whining can be healthy. What I'm really doing when I listen to you whine is validating your problem. I'm going to listen, ask questions that encourage you to talk more, and listen some more! There's a great article from Real Simple magazine that you can read here How To Be a Good Friend.
Finally, I'm going to lavish my friends with grace. So you're late. Tired. Forgetful. I want you to give me a break, so why shouldn't I give that to you? I want friends that accept me just how I am, so why shouldn't I give that to you? I want people to not judge me - so why shouldn't I give that to you?
As a Christian, I have been freely given grace - God, in fact, has lavished it upon me. But I know that I'm not so great about lavishing this on others. I'm selfish and self-centered. (Stop. It's true.) I think about my time, my schedule, my preferences.
But grace isn't about me. It's about you.
So that's what I'm working on. How about you?
Scratch that. I desperately want a tiara.
Desperately.
Seriously.
Anyway, the lavish-ness I'm looking for isn't something that is coming for me. I want it to come from me. I want to develop the ability and skills to make whoever I am with feel special. I want that person to know that at that moment, I am totally and wholly with them. Whether I am with my husband, my child, or others, I am working towards making them feel loved.
So I've already talked about how I want to lavish on my husband, and on my child. Today, I have a plan of how to lavish on others.
The first way is the same as the others - prayer. I want my friends and loved ones to know without a doubt that I am praying for them. Not just the kind of praying that's, "Lord, be with so-and-so." I mean the kind of prayer that makes my knees hurt. The kind that agonizes. The kind that cries.
That's the kind of prayer that people need. Interceding. Loving. Working. Prayer that walks beside them, through the trenches.
Next, I want to lavish others with authentic friendship. The kind that really cares, gets involved. The kind of friendship that takes time. This kind of lavishing is not smart mouthed or sarcastic. It's real, and really in the moment.
Lavishing friends with authentic friendship means that you'll get my attention. The kind that asks about their children. Their jobs. Their spouses. And then listens to the answers!
Which brings me to the next area of lavishing - listening. I can't tell you how many times I have realized in the middle of someone else's story that I wasn't listening! I enjoy blaming it on my ADD (or, as my husband refers to it, Adult Onset Undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder - AOU-ADD), but the truth is, I could listen better if I try.
I tend to be a problem solver by nature. But I know that sometimes when I'm upset or have a problem, I don't want my friend to solve it for me. I just want them to listen to me. Yes, I am a whiner. I state it proudly! I AM A WHINER! MY NAME IS JENN, AND I'M A WHINER! And I'm not the only one.
Sometimes in life, you just need to whine. Not forever - that's not healthy. But sometimes whining can be healthy. What I'm really doing when I listen to you whine is validating your problem. I'm going to listen, ask questions that encourage you to talk more, and listen some more! There's a great article from Real Simple magazine that you can read here How To Be a Good Friend.
Finally, I'm going to lavish my friends with grace. So you're late. Tired. Forgetful. I want you to give me a break, so why shouldn't I give that to you? I want friends that accept me just how I am, so why shouldn't I give that to you? I want people to not judge me - so why shouldn't I give that to you?
As a Christian, I have been freely given grace - God, in fact, has lavished it upon me. But I know that I'm not so great about lavishing this on others. I'm selfish and self-centered. (Stop. It's true.) I think about my time, my schedule, my preferences.
But grace isn't about me. It's about you.
So that's what I'm working on. How about you?
Monday, January 27, 2014
Lavish on My Child
Last week I wrote about the steps I planned on taking to lavish on my husband. This week I wanted to share about lavishing on my child. Later I'll share how I plan to lavish on others.
These posts aren't really how-tos or instructions for anyone else. They are basically an opportunity for me to put "on paper" steps to make my goal a reality. Otherwise I'll just hang out feeling pretty good about myself that I have a word focus for this year! It's not enough to feel good. I want to do good!
One thing you'll notice is that each plan begins and ends the same. So . . .
The first thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with prayer. Every. Single. Day. The Lord can parent my kid masterfully better than I can ever hope. So I'm going to have to have Him to help me learn to parent his way. So I will pray for him, and pray for how I parent him.
I will pray for his heart, for his mind, for his body. He's growing so quickly. He's a preteen, and noticing - shall I say - stuff. He is venturing into new territories, more adult territories. Only through prayer protection can I help teach him how to guard himself against sin and its influences. I want him to see that even if he doesn't participate in sin, it can still influence him, through what he watches and reads.
As Samuel's mother, I have big dreams for him. Not to be president of the United States (although he would ROCK that job) but to do great things with God. There is a great article here How to Pray Big for Your Child. It is a FABULOUS reminder that God wants us to go big in our lives! Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." I love these verses - in fact, I'm preaching on them this week - because it gives us just a glimpse of how big God wants to be for us.
I will also lavish him with the knowledge that I pray for him, and continue to teach him to pray, by himself and with others. I pray for his friends, for his future wife, for his future influences, for the way he'll influence others . . . absolutely everything I can think of.
The second thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with validation. Please notice that I am not saying love. Of course, I love him. I'd die for him! But to say I love him without validating him is sort of purposeless.
Validation is simple. It's just acknowledging him. Do you know how it feels to be shopping in a department store, with the store clerk standing right there, never acknowledging your presence or asking if they can help you? It's frustrating, right? Imagine how kids must feel when they are not acknowledged by the people that they love.
When I validate Samuel I simply say, you are here, and I am glad. When he comes in the room, I will look up. When I pick him up from school, I will not be on the phone. I will not act as though my computer or phone are more important than he is!
Here is the other reason that validation is an appropriate tool in parenting. If I can model it for Samuel, he can learn to use it in his life, too. Validating emotions is key - it involves naming them and understanding. Here's a great article about it: Validating Your Children's Emotions. I'm not raising a child to be a good child. I'm raising a child to be a good, productive adult.
Boys, especially, have trouble with emotions. I think that helping him name his emotions will teach him to not be mastered by them.
Validation is not the same thing as praise. But praise has it's role too. That's why ...
The third thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with appropriate praise. Appropriate. I'm not a "praiser" at heart. It's not one of my gifts. I see how good things are, but I don't always say it. Parenting has helped me to be better at this. But praise must be appropriate to be effective and important.
I want my son to know that I am his biggest cheerleader, but also know that I will not cheer for him for doing something mediocre or downright wrong! I also want him to notice that I am praising him for who he is, for his character, not for his accomplishments. He may not grow to be an adult who has a lot of outward accomplishments. He may not win the Nobel Prize or be named MVP. I can teach him to be ok with that now, by praising him for being honest. For being kind. For being loving.
Praise also indicates expectation. I expect him to be honest, kind and loving. So when he does the things I expect, hearing my praise encourages him to keep doing those things. Now, praise is not - "Good job!" Praise is specific. It's, "Honey, I appreciate you being kind to that little boy. He needed someone to be sweet to him."
Here's another great article about praise: Don't Praise Your Children. It shows the role of appropriate praise in parenting. (He talks specifically about not "lavishing" your kids with praise. But read carefully, because he's not saying that I'm doing wrong.)
The final thing I want to do for my child is him with attention. But again . . . appropriate attention. My life doesn't revolve around my kid. We strive to only be involved in one activity at a time, because I don't want to run and run and run. Frankly, I don't know how those of you with more than one child do it. It's hard enough for me to keep up with the stuff that comes with one kid!
But in those activities, he should get my whole attention. It's funny - we expect kids to look at us when we are talking to them. Yet we adults go everywhere with our phones. I myself have sat at soccer practice and played Candy Crush the whole time. Totally missed him learning a new skill and excelling at it. Sat at restaurants where each one of us were looking at something in our hands, not at each other. Mom fail.
There are times that our kids need to know that they are the most important thing. But there are times that they need to know they aren't. When I am busy, making dinner, or studying, I can't necessarily drop everything to hear his joke or his story. But when I'm not busy, there is no reason that he can't get my whole attention.
This is another modeling thing. I model the behavior I expect from him. When he wants to play a game, that is something I can do without my phone in front of me. Just like when I want to talk to him, I expect the television off and the Ipod put away.
I hope my thoughts will encourage you in your journey!
These posts aren't really how-tos or instructions for anyone else. They are basically an opportunity for me to put "on paper" steps to make my goal a reality. Otherwise I'll just hang out feeling pretty good about myself that I have a word focus for this year! It's not enough to feel good. I want to do good!
One thing you'll notice is that each plan begins and ends the same. So . . .
The first thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with prayer. Every. Single. Day. The Lord can parent my kid masterfully better than I can ever hope. So I'm going to have to have Him to help me learn to parent his way. So I will pray for him, and pray for how I parent him.
I will pray for his heart, for his mind, for his body. He's growing so quickly. He's a preteen, and noticing - shall I say - stuff. He is venturing into new territories, more adult territories. Only through prayer protection can I help teach him how to guard himself against sin and its influences. I want him to see that even if he doesn't participate in sin, it can still influence him, through what he watches and reads.
As Samuel's mother, I have big dreams for him. Not to be president of the United States (although he would ROCK that job) but to do great things with God. There is a great article here How to Pray Big for Your Child. It is a FABULOUS reminder that God wants us to go big in our lives! Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." I love these verses - in fact, I'm preaching on them this week - because it gives us just a glimpse of how big God wants to be for us.
I will also lavish him with the knowledge that I pray for him, and continue to teach him to pray, by himself and with others. I pray for his friends, for his future wife, for his future influences, for the way he'll influence others . . . absolutely everything I can think of.
The second thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with validation. Please notice that I am not saying love. Of course, I love him. I'd die for him! But to say I love him without validating him is sort of purposeless.
Validation is simple. It's just acknowledging him. Do you know how it feels to be shopping in a department store, with the store clerk standing right there, never acknowledging your presence or asking if they can help you? It's frustrating, right? Imagine how kids must feel when they are not acknowledged by the people that they love.
When I validate Samuel I simply say, you are here, and I am glad. When he comes in the room, I will look up. When I pick him up from school, I will not be on the phone. I will not act as though my computer or phone are more important than he is!
Here is the other reason that validation is an appropriate tool in parenting. If I can model it for Samuel, he can learn to use it in his life, too. Validating emotions is key - it involves naming them and understanding. Here's a great article about it: Validating Your Children's Emotions. I'm not raising a child to be a good child. I'm raising a child to be a good, productive adult.
Boys, especially, have trouble with emotions. I think that helping him name his emotions will teach him to not be mastered by them.
Validation is not the same thing as praise. But praise has it's role too. That's why ...
The third thing I want to do for my child is lavish him with appropriate praise. Appropriate. I'm not a "praiser" at heart. It's not one of my gifts. I see how good things are, but I don't always say it. Parenting has helped me to be better at this. But praise must be appropriate to be effective and important.
I want my son to know that I am his biggest cheerleader, but also know that I will not cheer for him for doing something mediocre or downright wrong! I also want him to notice that I am praising him for who he is, for his character, not for his accomplishments. He may not grow to be an adult who has a lot of outward accomplishments. He may not win the Nobel Prize or be named MVP. I can teach him to be ok with that now, by praising him for being honest. For being kind. For being loving.
Praise also indicates expectation. I expect him to be honest, kind and loving. So when he does the things I expect, hearing my praise encourages him to keep doing those things. Now, praise is not - "Good job!" Praise is specific. It's, "Honey, I appreciate you being kind to that little boy. He needed someone to be sweet to him."
Here's another great article about praise: Don't Praise Your Children. It shows the role of appropriate praise in parenting. (He talks specifically about not "lavishing" your kids with praise. But read carefully, because he's not saying that I'm doing wrong.)
The final thing I want to do for my child is him with attention. But again . . . appropriate attention. My life doesn't revolve around my kid. We strive to only be involved in one activity at a time, because I don't want to run and run and run. Frankly, I don't know how those of you with more than one child do it. It's hard enough for me to keep up with the stuff that comes with one kid!
But in those activities, he should get my whole attention. It's funny - we expect kids to look at us when we are talking to them. Yet we adults go everywhere with our phones. I myself have sat at soccer practice and played Candy Crush the whole time. Totally missed him learning a new skill and excelling at it. Sat at restaurants where each one of us were looking at something in our hands, not at each other. Mom fail.
There are times that our kids need to know that they are the most important thing. But there are times that they need to know they aren't. When I am busy, making dinner, or studying, I can't necessarily drop everything to hear his joke or his story. But when I'm not busy, there is no reason that he can't get my whole attention.
This is another modeling thing. I model the behavior I expect from him. When he wants to play a game, that is something I can do without my phone in front of me. Just like when I want to talk to him, I expect the television off and the Ipod put away.
I hope my thoughts will encourage you in your journey!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Lavish On Our Spouse
I decided that just picking a word for my year wasn't enough. I decided that I wanted to start getting specific about who and how and when and why . . .
So for the next few posts that's what I'm going to discuss - probably in long, rambling, non-sensical sentences.
I want to start with ways I can lavish on my spouse.
The first thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with prayer. There are a number of ways to pray for our spouses, I like this one "Ten Ways to Pray for Your Husband". Most importantly, I realize that I will do nothing else right for my husband if I don't start by putting him in God's hands. Praying for him daily will help soothe the little irritations of life, renew my love for him, and allow me to submit our relationship to the Father on a daily basis.
The next thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with respect. It's been said that a man's number one need is respect. There's a really good article here "What Men Wish Women Knew". In a culture that devalues the role of the husband as the head of the home, the concept and practice of respect is dwindling. And it is clearly seen all over! Many "family friendly" sitcoms today show Dad as a buffoon that the kids make fun of and the wife ignores. My husband deserves, needs, and relishes in my respect.
The third thing I want to do for my husband is to lavish him with affection. Yup, you know what I'm talking about. My husband's love language is physical touch. He needs it, he wants it, he responds to it. There are many ways to lavish touch on a man, and while we can say, "It doesn't have to be sexual" . . . give me a break. Of course it does! But there are many kinds of sexual touch. Everyone has to figure out what works for their relationship.
I'm not going to talk anymore about that. I'm a prude.
Moving on . . . the final thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with my attention. When he walks in the room, I will look at him. When he speaks, I will listen. I will make time just for him, so that he will see and know that his is the most important earthly relationship to me! I won't realize on Tuesday afternoon that I have hardly seen or spoken to him since Sunday. (Note that I'm using real examples from my own life!) I will seek him out, listen, laugh, enjoy his company.
I know that lavish is my word for this year, not yours. But I thought if I shared my feelings about this with you, maybe you would think of some ways to lavish on your spouse, too. My next post will be about lavishing on our children!
So for the next few posts that's what I'm going to discuss - probably in long, rambling, non-sensical sentences.
I want to start with ways I can lavish on my spouse.
The first thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with prayer. There are a number of ways to pray for our spouses, I like this one "Ten Ways to Pray for Your Husband". Most importantly, I realize that I will do nothing else right for my husband if I don't start by putting him in God's hands. Praying for him daily will help soothe the little irritations of life, renew my love for him, and allow me to submit our relationship to the Father on a daily basis.
The next thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with respect. It's been said that a man's number one need is respect. There's a really good article here "What Men Wish Women Knew". In a culture that devalues the role of the husband as the head of the home, the concept and practice of respect is dwindling. And it is clearly seen all over! Many "family friendly" sitcoms today show Dad as a buffoon that the kids make fun of and the wife ignores. My husband deserves, needs, and relishes in my respect.
The third thing I want to do for my husband is to lavish him with affection. Yup, you know what I'm talking about. My husband's love language is physical touch. He needs it, he wants it, he responds to it. There are many ways to lavish touch on a man, and while we can say, "It doesn't have to be sexual" . . . give me a break. Of course it does! But there are many kinds of sexual touch. Everyone has to figure out what works for their relationship.
I'm not going to talk anymore about that. I'm a prude.
Moving on . . . the final thing I want to do for my husband is lavish him with my attention. When he walks in the room, I will look at him. When he speaks, I will listen. I will make time just for him, so that he will see and know that his is the most important earthly relationship to me! I won't realize on Tuesday afternoon that I have hardly seen or spoken to him since Sunday. (Note that I'm using real examples from my own life!) I will seek him out, listen, laugh, enjoy his company.
I know that lavish is my word for this year, not yours. But I thought if I shared my feelings about this with you, maybe you would think of some ways to lavish on your spouse, too. My next post will be about lavishing on our children!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
. . . And a Lavish New Year
Happy New Year! I've taken a few weeks off here, and they have been glorious. I've really enjoyed the time with my family, and now, like so many of you, we are digging out of the snow, trying to get back to our normal routine.
Or are we? Normal is different for everyone, and I want my normal in 2014 to be a little bit more special.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. They are just a societal pressure cooker that sets us up for failure. They rarely evoke any real changes. In fact, most of us make resolutions so vague and unreachable that we are doomed to fail and feel miserable. What a way to begin a new year!
I do, however, love new beginnings. They are genesis, godly. Beginnings are God's reminder of the promise of new life, and life eternal. I love our natural, innate tendencies to spend the last days of a year reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future, dreaming and making plans for the kinds of lives we want to lead.
Sometimes, I choose a word that I want to focus on in the new year. A word I want to describe my actions and my life. A word that I hope that, as I focus on implementing it into my daily life, will change not only myself but those around me.
My word for this year: lavish.
The synonyms for this word as an adjective: Extravagant. Generous. Abundant. The dictionary definition for this word as a verb: To expend or give in great amounts or without limit.
This word, to me, describes God. And that's who I want to be like. Consider the following:
[ The God of Glory ] How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6
God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won’t have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you’ll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don’t swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods. Deuteronomy 28:11-14
Hallelujah! Blessed man, blessed woman, who fear God, Who cherish and relish his commandments, Their children robust on the earth, And the homes of the upright—how blessed! Their houses brim with wealth And a generosity that never runs dry. Sunrise breaks through the darkness for good people— God’s grace and mercy and justice! The good person is generous and lends lavishly; No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, But a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor and gossip, Heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, Ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, They lavish gifts on the poor— A generosity that goes on, and on, and on. An honored life! A beautiful life! Someone wicked takes one look and rages, Blusters away but ends up speechless. There’s nothing to the dreams of the wicked. Nothing. Psalm 112:1-10
God has lavished me with his extravagant love. His abundant grace. His generous presence. How can I strive for anything less?
I pray that I can be even a little bit like God this year. I pray that just as I have experience his lavish gifts, I can give gifts in the same lavish nature. Because I love Him, and I want to be just like him.
Or are we? Normal is different for everyone, and I want my normal in 2014 to be a little bit more special.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. They are just a societal pressure cooker that sets us up for failure. They rarely evoke any real changes. In fact, most of us make resolutions so vague and unreachable that we are doomed to fail and feel miserable. What a way to begin a new year!
I do, however, love new beginnings. They are genesis, godly. Beginnings are God's reminder of the promise of new life, and life eternal. I love our natural, innate tendencies to spend the last days of a year reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future, dreaming and making plans for the kinds of lives we want to lead.
Sometimes, I choose a word that I want to focus on in the new year. A word I want to describe my actions and my life. A word that I hope that, as I focus on implementing it into my daily life, will change not only myself but those around me.
My word for this year: lavish.
The synonyms for this word as an adjective: Extravagant. Generous. Abundant. The dictionary definition for this word as a verb: To expend or give in great amounts or without limit.
This word, to me, describes God. And that's who I want to be like. Consider the following:
[ The God of Glory ] How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6
God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won’t have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you’ll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don’t swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods. Deuteronomy 28:11-14
Hallelujah! Blessed man, blessed woman, who fear God, Who cherish and relish his commandments, Their children robust on the earth, And the homes of the upright—how blessed! Their houses brim with wealth And a generosity that never runs dry. Sunrise breaks through the darkness for good people— God’s grace and mercy and justice! The good person is generous and lends lavishly; No shuffling or stumbling around for this one, But a sterling and solid and lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor and gossip, Heart ready, trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, Ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, They lavish gifts on the poor— A generosity that goes on, and on, and on. An honored life! A beautiful life! Someone wicked takes one look and rages, Blusters away but ends up speechless. There’s nothing to the dreams of the wicked. Nothing. Psalm 112:1-10
God has lavished me with his extravagant love. His abundant grace. His generous presence. How can I strive for anything less?
I pray that I can be even a little bit like God this year. I pray that just as I have experience his lavish gifts, I can give gifts in the same lavish nature. Because I love Him, and I want to be just like him.
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