The Fifth Commandment

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."  Exodus 20:12

This, the fifth commandment, is one that has an awesome promise attached to it.  For some, this commandment might bring a sense of joy.  But for others, the concept of honoring our parents brings with it a sense of dread, even fear.  But perhaps we do not truly understand what it means to honor.

The verb "honor" has several definitions (look at dictionary.com for explanation).  Several of them can be applied here.  One is, obviously, to show respect.  There's also to "show a courteous regard for."  And another:  "to accept as valid and conform to the requests or demands of." 

Notice, that in this command God does not tell us to love our parents.  Some with dysfunctional parental relationships might be thankful for that realization!  However, we know that love is the driving force behind everything God does, including giving us these commandments.  Can we also say that love is a natural by-product of obeying the Ten Commandments?  What did Jesus say about the commandments?  Matthew 22 records this exchange between Jesus and one of the Pharisees:   "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"  Jesus replied, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."  (See also Mark 12 and Luke 10.)

One of the natural consequences of following the commandments of God is that love will follow.  No one's parents are perfect people.  Somehow, we decide that it is ok to hold them extra-responsible; in other words, as we grow into adulthood, we find ways to blame our upbringing or our parents' ways for our actions.  Never mind that there is NO biblical justification for that, that we are each accountable for our own ways - no, we decide that the reason we cannot commit to anything is because our parents took away our favorite blankie when we were ten years old!  OK, that's a ridiculous example, but look deeply into your life.  What justifications are you holding onto, blaming your parents for what could actually be sin in your own life?

Honoring your parents in not always easy, and may  mean different things to different people.  For some, it's spending every Sunday dinner together.  But for others, it may be not talking trash about their parents.  It can be buying your parents a lavish Christmas gift.  Or it can mean sending your parents a heartfelt note of thanks at Christmas time.  There are many ways to honor our parents, and God in His wisdom never spelled out a hard and fast ritual way of doing so.  That's because He knows, better than anyone, that parental relationships can be difficult, and honor comes in many fashions.

Having said all that, be cautious about holding your parents to a higher or different standard than you hold yourself - or that you want to be held to.  Almost always, we do the best we can with the information and the abilities we have.  So did your parents.  Honoring them might be deciding to not hate them this time.  Deciding not to hate can lead to acceptance.  Acceptance leads to affection, and affection to love.

It's a process, is it not?  It's a one-step-at-a-time kind of thing.  Decide today to find a way to honor your parents - whether they are dead or alive!  You can honor their memories and lives as well as the current relationship.  Not only will you find yourself in God's favor, but obeying this commandment and honoring your parents will soothe your heart and troubles, like a balm of favor that will quiet inner turmoil.  One day at a time.

Keep Blazing!  Never forget.

Jenn

P.S.  I believe my son has the flu.  So if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, that's why!