I Am What I Am

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect."  1 Corinthians 15:10
Today is my birthday.  (Thank you, thank you very much.  lol)  I spent my 30s not enjoying my birthday.  I cried every year from 30 to 39.  Then last year I changed my attitude.  (This year, I honestly forgot about it until my mother reminded me.)  There was nothing big that changed my attitude, I just decided that I couldn't really fight aging, so I might as well buy cases of anti-wrinkle cream and get on with it! 

But this summer, I heard a wonderful sermon that included a passage on the number 40.  Apparently, in the Bible, 40 is the number of preparation - the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years, the rain falling on Noah and family in the ark for 40 days, Jesus praying and fasting in the wilderness for 40 days.  For the last ten years, I've struggled with the idea of aging and that my best years were behind me.  Now I'm thinking, what if the last 40 years were just preparation for the next 40?

What if all the struggles, the victories, the highs and the lows, are to get me ready for what comes next?  I know so much more about God now than I used to.  I know HIM so much better.  I love Him so much more.  I can look back over my life and see my failures.  Or I can see His grace working on me. 

I am what I am.  I am what God made me to be.  When I am in His will, fully in His grace, living in His love, sharing His life and greatness and creation . . . I am perfect.  Those who know me are thinking of lots of teasing to give me right now!!  But it's true.  I don't want to be anymore, or any less, than He created me to be.  And I am what I am because of His grace.  No other reason.  Just Him.

There's a great song that Amy Grant used to sing called, "All I Ever Have to Be."  Some of the lyrics are:

All I ever have to be is what you made me
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find.
All I ever have to be . . . is what you made me.

I am what I am.  I am not great.  I am not small.  I am His.  And that is perfect.